


A Quiet Vow

by Obsessivecompulsivereadr



Series: Families of Choice [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, spoilers for Day of Wrath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 23:11:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9520280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obsessivecompulsivereadr/pseuds/Obsessivecompulsivereadr
Summary: Luke Garroway had spent the last eighteen years of his life fathering Clary Fray, and he wasn’t about to stop now.  He didn’t want to do it without Jocelyn, and had never envisioned a future where he would have to do it without her, but it wasn’t like he had a choice anymore.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Since I haven't read the books, I don't know what canon consequences would be for Clary's decision. So I made up my own.

Luke Garroway had spent the last eighteen years of his life fathering Clary Fray, and he wasn’t about to stop now.  He didn’t want to do it without Jocelyn, and had never envisioned a future where he  _ would _ have to do it without her, but it wasn’t like he had a choice anymore.  

A demon had taken that from him.  

He’d spent the first night without Jocelyn in shock, destroying everything he could get his hands on and screaming at the top of his lungs.  His pack had stayed away from him, leaving only Alaric nearby.  He’d kept his distance and didn’t interfere, and Luke had just assumed Alaric was there to watch his back in case any pack members sensed weakness in their alpha.  

Magnus had offered to stay, but Luke hadn’t allowed it.  He’d asked Magnus to handle Clary’s grief for just one night for him.  Luke needed just one night to allow himself to grieve before becoming Clary’s rock again.  Magnus had understood and had gripped his hand tightly before nodding in agreement. Luke had hugged his friend, remembering suddenly that Magnus had been through this before and knew exactly what Luke was facing having to live the rest of his life without the person he loved.  

Clary had been inconsolable, but having her see him angry would have been worse.  So Magnus had bundled her up and portaled her to his apartment, with a soft promise to care for her so that Luke could handle his demons in peace.  Even if it was just for one night.  

Luke had been very grateful, and would always be.  In the days since Jocelyn’s death, he’d been unable to speak with anyone else but Clary, Alaric, Simon, and Magnus.  He’d let Simon continue to visit despite the pack’s dislike of it, but at first the two just sat in silent companionship.  Simon offered his own support, in the form of random hugs and grasped hands in understanding.  Luke had known the boy for at least a decade, and Simon was grieving as well. Jocelyn had been like a second parent to him.  

He couldn’t bear to speak with any shadowhunters, but especially not Alec Lightwood.  Luke knew, when he really searched inside himself, that Alec wasn’t the one responsible for killing the woman Luke loved.  It had been the demon that had possessed Alec.  The one that Clary had destroyed in vengeance. But Luke had seen the tape, the blood on Alec’s hands, and he couldn’t bear to speak with the man in person.  Not yet.  

He would eventually be able to do it, but at least it wasn’t something anyone expected of him right now.  

Luke was shocked that Clary didn’t seem to have that same issue.  She’d immediately blamed the demon and had brushed off all of Alec’s attempts to atone for it.  According to the reports, she’d been in control just long enough to take out the demon, and then she’d fallen into shock.  Simon had brought her to Luke, and then Magnus had taken over the duty. 

He’d always known Clary was stronger than Jocelyn believed her to be, and the girl had proven it with her unwillingness to even place a second of blame on Alec’s shoulders.  It was admirable, but Luke didn’t have it within him to be that admirable yet.  

Clary had spent the next night with Luke, and they’d cried and hugged each other for hours.  She’d fallen asleep on his shoulder, and he’d voiced a quiet vow to Jocelyn that he’d do whatever had to do to keep _ their _ daughter safe.  

Because that’s what Clary was.  His daughter.  She might be biologically connected to Valentine Morganstern, but Clary was every inch the daughter of Jocelyn Fairchild and Luke.  He was all she’d ever known as a father, and Luke would continue to be that for her for as long as she needed him.  

She had been staying with him off and on since Jocelyn’s death, with her other nights spent in her room at the Institute.  

Lucian Graymark, the shadowhunter, might have once been invited to stay with her as she grieved for her mother, but Luke Garroway, the werewolf, wasn’t welcome there.  And to be truthful, he didn’t want to be welcome there.  He wasn’t Lucian Graymark anymore, and for that he was grateful.  Lucian had been destined to live as the man always in love with Jocelyn but never allowed to be with her.  Lucian had been someone whose parabatai valued power and control over their bond.  Lucian had been someone destroyed by that very bond.

Luke Garroway, the werewolf, might be someone the Clave looked down upon, but he’d been the one lucky enough to be loved by Jocelyn Fairchild.   _ No _ ,  _ Jocelyn Fray _ .  And lucky enough to be the chosen father for her daughter.  So even if he had to spent the rest of his life without her now, at least he’d been allowed to love her for a little while, even if he would forever consider it not enough time.

“Hey,” Clary spoke softly.

Luke, lost in his thoughts, was startled at the soft tone.  He hadn’t expected her to be up this early.  

“Hi,” Luke gestured for her to come closer and he pulled her into an embrace next to him on the couch overlooking the pier.  “What are you doing up so early?” 

“Couldn’t sleep,” Clary said quietly.  “Can you?” 

Luke brushed a kiss across her forehead, “No, not really.”  

“Will it get any better?” Clary asked.  

“Yes, it will,” Luke answered, not even sure if it was the truth or a pretty white lie meant to comfort her.  “It has to get better.  I won’t allow it to be any other way.”  

Clary wrapped her arm around his waist and cuddled him, as she had done when she was much younger, and Luke hugged her tightly.  

“I love you, kid,” Luke said.

“I love you, too, Luke.”  

“Do you want some breakfast?” 

“No, not really.”  

Luke held her while they both stared out the window facing the water.  He wasn’t hungry either and hadn’t been for days.  He’d ate when Alaric had forced him to, and he’d acquiesced whenever Magnus had come by with food he’d portaled in from somewhere.  Magnus had known him for a long time and always seemed to find just the right thing that would actually stimulate his appetite.  Luke knew it was his friend’s desire to see him take better care of himself that had triggered the offers.  

Luke, in turn, had made sure Clary was eating properly.  And he’d reminded Simon of when to head back so that he wouldn’t get caught out in the sun and wouldn’t go too long without feeding.  Simon may be a vampire now, but he was still the closest thing to a son Luke was likely to ever have.  

He also knew that Magnus was taking care of Alec Lightwood as well.  Clary had told him how guilty Alec felt about the possession.  He'd nodded in response but could not find the words he'd wanted to use.  Luke was glad Alec had Magnus, because Luke had felt that kind of guilt before, the guilt of someone’s death at your hands, and he knew how much it could destroy from the inside.  

Alec’s guilt was for being the tool the demon used, something he hadn’t been able to prevent from happening.  Something that no one at the Institute had been able to prevent from happening.  

Just because Luke wasn’t able to speak with the man yet didn’t mean he wanted Alec to suffer.

“Can I ask you something?” Clary spoke quietly.

“Of course.”  Luke looked down at her, and the expression on her face was familiar.  One of hesitance.  An expression that showed she was either uncomfortable with what she was about to say or unsure of what his response would be.

He was reminded of times when she was a little girl and used the same expression to out herself whenever she did anything wrong.

“Magic could bring mom back, couldn’t it?”  

She looked so hopeful that Luke felt exposed when the lurch of dread hit him.   “No, honey.” 

“But the magic exists to do it.  I read about it.”   

“Clary, that’s not something anyone should be playing around with.”  

Luke didn’t know how to explain to her that playing with death had consequences.  That it caused rifts in the fields of magic and caused chaos to everyone involved.  That it was the very thing Valentine craved, and the very thing he’d destroyed himself over.  

“I’m not playing with it,” Clary stood, her temper just as quick to form as always.  “She was my mother, Luke!”  

“And she was the woman I loved,” Luke stood.  “Do you not understand that if there were no consequences for it that I would be destroying the world to get her back?”  

“What if destroying the world is worth it?” Clary crossed her arms in front of her and stood by the window.  

“It’s not,” Luke walked over to her.  “The consequences are too great.  Trying it would shift balances that cannot be shifted without people like Valentine being able to take advantage of it.”  

“But that’s not what we would do?” Clary insisted.

“It doesn’t have to be your intention.  Do you think magic actually cares?  That magic is a sentient being that recognizes good intention or bad?” 

“Would Magnus do it?” Clary’s head had risen in defiance, a sure sign that her stubbornness had taken over and nothing he said would get through to her anymore.

“No, honey.  He wouldn’t.”  

“Why not?” Clary asked.

“That’s not a question that I can ask him.  That's not something I have a right to ask him to do!”  

Luke texted Magnus quickly, with a request for assistance and a slight warning that Clary was on a road that would lead to further problems.  He suggested that Magnus portal straight to Luke’s quarters at the Jade Wolf, and Magnus stepped through a portal just a few moments later.  

“Magnus,” Luke shook his hand, and Magnus frowned at him in response.  Magnus was always very good at reading Luke, so his face must show at least a modicum of concern.

“Luke,” Magnus nodded and then turned to Clary.  His expression softened when he looked at her, and Luke knew it was because Magnus felt fatherly towards Clary as well. He’d known and argued in the girl’s favor for over a decade, and he felt responsible for the loss of her memories.  

“Magnus, can you bring my mother back?” Clary asked softly.  

“Oh Biscuit,” Magnus pulled her into a hug, “I can’t.”  

“But why?  I know it can be done!”  

“Just because it can be done doesn’t mean it should,” Magnus replied as he released her.  “That is magic that no one should be able to use.”  

“That’s ridiculous.  You’re immortal.  You can’t just decide that when you’re not affected by it.”  

“Clary!” Luke reprimanded.  

“It’s alright, Luke,” Magnus squeezed his hand in support and walked Clary over to the couch again.  “Biscuit, what in the world makes you think that being immortal means you’re not affected by death?”  

Clary took a breath and wiped tears from her eyes.  “You won’t die.”  

“Clary, you’re smarter than this,” Luke interrupted, but Magnus shook his head slightly at him, to signal that he would handle it.

“Clary, just because I don't age doesn't mean I'll never die.  You saw what happened to Ragnor.  I have lost so many people in my life that sometimes the sheer thought of it makes it hard to breathe,” Magnus said softly as he took her hand.  “But I cannot cross that line.  I cannot give magic the chance to become unstable or people like Valentine get in between the cracks.  They would get more power.  You can’t cheat death because death will just take an equivalent.  How could I decide that?  Why would I think that I have a right to decide that? That by bringing one person back, another must die in exchange?   _ No one _ should have that kind of power.”  

“This is my mother, Magnus,” Clary begged.  

“I know.  But I cannot and will not help you with this.  Do you not realize that if this were easy, the people I love wouldn't still be gone?  I’d have brought Ragnor back from death if there were no consequences from it.”  

Clary pulled away from him and walked to the window.  Luke followed her there and attempted to place a comforting hand on her arm, but she pulled away from him and walked out of the room.

Luke glanced at Magnus, and he could tell that they both thought the same thing.  That she was not convinced.  That maybe she would never been convinced that bringing her mother back brought consequences that would not be worth it.  Clary was not ever easily convinced of anything.

Magnus and Luke could only hope that she wouldn’t do something stupid before she could learn that lesson on her own.

**Author's Note:**

> The spoilers made me wonder why Clary would be doing this on her own when she has Luke and Magnus in her life


End file.
